Dateline: New Mexico

mayday mayday mayday!!!

*krrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk* mayday! *krrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk* mayday mr squir.....*krrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk*weve lost *kkkkkkrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk* of our *krrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk* a plantation in florida! they trusted and ol' *krrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk* and i *krrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk* theyre poisoned. and theres also *krrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk*
....akes! *krrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk*

News Flash - UPDATES

It's been a busy day here at HQ. While we await word from Maximum Damage on the amount of Maximum Damage that was done in the Southwest this morning, our email and phone lines have been flooded with well wishes and news from the trenches:

I'm safe HQ! Fucken dog treed me again.

El-O Mates! We're with you in body and spirit. Keep a stiff upper lip!

Thank God you arrived! We've been stuck up a tree for months by Ivan and his Axis of Evil. Don't believe them! We want you here. Don't leave.

My laser eyes will destroy the enemy! Point me at the dog.

I doubt I could pass the physical, but sign me up! I want to be Fighting Squirrel.

We are committed . We are strong.

We are Squirrels.

Lt. Maximum Damage reporting in!

I've returned with an army of plastic fire breathing godzillas. they are impervious to peanut butter bribes, scantily clad pirates whales and shoemarms, there deadly male blogger consorts, and traps. Sadly, i have received word that almost ALL of the norway rats have sacrificed their lives in the squirrel traps so that we can continue the battle.

will meet Mr. Squirrel, the poet laura and other friendlies at checkpoint betty at 0 6:00

USSF.107a
Lt.MD/cc:MDC

i love the smell of nut-bombs in the morning

When I give you the word, together we will cross the Line of Departure, Moi's property line, close with those doggerel forces that choose to fight, and destroy them. Our fight is not with the squirrel loving people, nor is it with members of the various other animals who choose to surrender. While we will move swiftly and aggressively against those who resist, we will treat all others with decency, demonstrating chivalry and soldierly compassion for the creatures who have endured a lifetime under Ivan's oppression.

Chemical attack, treachery, and use of the innocent as human shields can be expected, as can other unethical tactics. Take it all in stride. Be the hunter, not the hunted: Never allow your unit to be caught with its guard down. Use good judgment and act in the best interests of our nation.

You are part of the world's most feared and trusted force. Engage your brain before you engage your weapon. Share your courage with each other as we enter the uncertain terrain north of Ivan's area. Keep faith in your comrades on your left and right and Squirrel Force overhead. Fight with a happy heart and strong spirit.

"For the mission's sake, our country's sake, and the sake of the squirrels who carried the Division's colors in past battles--who fought for life and never lost their nerve--carry out your mission and keep your honor clean. Demonstrate to the world there is "No Better Friend, No Worse Enemy" than a fighting member of the USSF.


hoo -rah!

Breaking News!

We are sorry to report that at 0200 hours today on a lonely road in Texas, one of our Tall Texas Comrades fell. This brave Squirrel gave his life for his people and we salute him. This will not stop us! We are united!